I have this argument with my wife often. I like to cook, and for me cooking is more than taking frozen meatballs and dumping them into a pan full of jar pasta sauce. I would rather make the sauce, maybe have some meatballs made in advance. My wife seems to think that pre-made stuff or mixes are the way to go. I would rather just make pancakes scratch, which isn’t hard, where she would rather I just open the mix, add water, and make the food. But I do agree that having a frozen lasagna is better than taking the full effort when I just want to get dinner going. So where are your eat the pre-made vs make it from scratch?
You enjoy cooking, she doesn’t. You can cook from scratch, she can heat up the frozen stuff. I don’t see why this is cause for an argument.
She will insist on the mixes.
As in when you cook she wants you to use the premade stuff? Why?
Nostalgia for what her mother used to make.
Yo man, that’s a legit resson for her to prefer one type of cooking over another
NGL man, you’re coming across as Defensive Internet Man on this. You two “argue frequently” about this, she “seems to think” mixes are the way to go when it sounds like it’s really only pancake mix that’s hanging you up and you know perfectly well why she likes pancake mix over scratch. She “tried to pull” nostalgia on you as if missing her deceased mother is a trick she’s playing on you.
Amateur advice from someone with no special related experience: any time someone says they like a Thing because it reminds them of Close Dead Relative, maybe just take their word for it and let them be.
Edit: and apparently she’s doing the grocery shopping. I’m starting to wonder who plans the menu throughout the week and how these disagreements are playing out from the spouse’s perspective.
Yeah maybe she might be a little overreaching there? Forcing someone to always make (and eat) the thing you prefer is not a healthy relationship. Time to compromise.
With OPs tendency to trickle in less flattering details only after 2-3 comments in, I’m skeptical she’s “forcing” him to do anything. This is a one-sided perspective from someone intentionally devaluing his spouse’s perspective.
Might be. Still, recommending OP compromises with his partner.
Would she be open to use the pre-made mixes as a base and then you improving on them? I love to cook from scratch with nothing but fresh vegetables and base ingredients; it really makes me happy and, if I do say so myself, I do a good job at it (it is indeed a time consuming experience). My mom cooked from scratch and the taste and process of pankakes starting from scratch is familiar and comforting.
I have also learned that there is a lot that I can do by using pre-made ingredients, and that sometimes it’s a huge advantage because I can then focus my cooking creativity on the parts that are less about ‘turning the ladle’ and more about personal time and experience. Some examples:
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Pasta sauce: Buy a decent tomato basil sauce. Then add caramelized onions (40 min), mushrooms, artichokes and spices. Now I can focus on what the sauce goes on top of.
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Pankakes: Some of the store bought pankake mix is pretty great, I especially love the Ube mix from Trader Joe’s. If you are not making your own mix, then you can really focus on creating some excellent and amazing hme make toppings. It’s a good excuse to perfect a recepie for marmalade or make a perfect mini fried chicken from scratch to go with that pankake.
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Mac’n’Cheese: It’s absolutely possible to make Mac’n’Cheese from scratch, but also delicious to start with a box, and then figure out how to max it Gormet in all different ways.
just some ideas.
For all these responses, it’s not just pasta sauce or pancake mixes. And yes, the she does let me doctor things up sometimes. It just gets irritating when I make a sauce, it’s delicious, and then she buys a jar version because “you like this kind of sauce”. I found a great soup recipe I want to try, ask for specific ingredients and she just buys the canned version of the soup. I’ve talked with her before about it when she brought home a cookie mix. I used to make homemade cookies when I was depressed, and it would cheer me up. She suggested I make the mix, all I had to do was add some eggs and water, and we can have the cookies. I had to tell her it wasn’t the cookies that made me feel better.
It sounds like you should be doing the shopping when you want to do the cooking.
Talk to each other, apologize, and compromise. Sometimes do it your way; sometimes do it her way. Understand and forgive each other, enjoy both approaches, and be happy about the situation.
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Compromise, then?
Perhaps every other night you can cook from scratch, and cook as she likes on other days. Or, you could try to replicate the flavors she’s looking for in your cooking. Involve her, have her try tasting some sauce you’re making or whathaveyou and then try to see if you can nudge the flavors in a direction she likes.
Yeah, I personally despise cooking. I’ll do anything to get my meal the quickest and with the least amount of effort and mess possible. I don’t see the big deal. If people want to cook from scratch, go ahead. I’m just not going to be the one to do it. Why does it matter if one person prefers to cook one way and one person prefers the other?
Edit: If it’s specifically pancake mix that OP’s wife prefers, maybe there is something about the flavor that she likes better with it. My brother also weirdly prefers instant mashed potatoes over homemade…even if he is not the person making them. With certain things, some people just have a preference it seems.
In this same vein, I’ve never had a from-scratch brownie that I like better than the box brownies.
If you have time, make food for the whole week and you eat “pre-made food” (point for your wife) made by you from scratch (point for yourself)😁
Some people don’t like leftovers, I can only figure their experience with leftovers has always been bad.
I love having leftovers around, but I make a pot of good stuff with plans for the leftovers. Some things are never leftovers because they don’t hold well (anything with leeks or tarragon for example).
Sometimes, leftovers don’t reheat the same way.
My experience with leftovers growing up was having to eating my mom’s terrible cooking again when it wasn’t even good fresh. As an adult I love them because I like my own cooking and it means I get to skip a few nights a week.
Cooking from scratch is almost always going to be less expensive, better tasting, and healthier.
Cooking with pre-made ingredients is often faster and easier.
For me, the decision is often predicated on how much energy I have. Sometimes prepping all the ingredients and the resulting cleanup feels like an impossible undertaking. Which is a shame because I’m a good cook - but sometimes I hate cooking.
Meal prepping or making batch meals is often a happy medium. Homemade food that you can later just reheat. If anybody has tips for making it feel less like I’m eating leftovers all the time, I’m happy to hear them
This is us basically. Though we’re pretty busy, so we usually try to cook 2 maybe 3 meals a week, and eat the leftovers on the days in between.
Don’t get me wrong, we cook good stuff, we just purposely make a lot. I’m not going through all that effort for one tiny meal, unless it makes sense to do so, like we won’t be home for meal times or something so it would go bad.
But we keep some premix stuff around, and I have a few fast but not so healthy scratch recipes I can whip up in a jiffy. That’s usually us on Tuesday nights.
I’ve got one where I literally just throw rice, chix broth, frozen precooked (by me) chicken, frozen mixed veggies, and garlic/other spices into a rice cooker. That way I can just slap it together, jump in the shower, and eat quick before leaving again. Sometimes life is just that way.
I would prefer to make it from scratch. But it’s usually cheaper to use frozen and I’m a broke bitch, so that’s usually what I have.
Pancakes definitely don’t matter. They’re easy because it’s just mixing a few powders and some milk or water and egg. Why not just buy those powders already mixed with a binder? Unless it’s Bisquick. Fuck Bisquick pancakes. They’re just flat dinner biscuits!
Pancakes definitely don’t matter
Hard disagree. I don’t want 1/2 C of high fructose corn syrup, emulsifiers and preservatives in my pancakes, thanks!
1.5 C flour, 1/2 Tsp salt, 3 Tsp baking powder, 1 egg, 1/4 C butter, then whole milk until you get the consistency you like. Best pancakes ever. People who need pancakes to basically be a vehicle to pour pure sugar into their mouth haven’t had good 'cakes.
People who need pancakes to basically be a vehicle to pour pure sugar into their mouth haven’t had good 'cakes.
Do… you not put syrup on your pancakes?
I certainly don’t. The best pancakes have butter and very little sugar. Maybe I’ll add a drizzle of ultra dark maple syrup if I want that taste, but I certainly don’t drench it.
The proper amount of syrup would be “soaked”
My man!
Certainly, but do you not think that adding sugar to the pancakes as well as adding sugary syrup on top to be a little bit too much? I think it tastes best when you have a slightly salty, doughy pancake and then you can add the sugary syrup to that
Tell me more.
I’d like to make these pancakes you describe. I’m assuming you melt the butter first before mixing it in? Roughly how much milk is a good starting point?
I used to make Bisquick pancakes all the time, and recently changed to a name brand just add water kind because I tried it for camping once and realized it tastes just as good as the Bisquick, or good enough. I’m assuming that’s because Bisquick pancakes are also not actually that good, based on others in this thread.
I like convenience, but I also like good food. I’m gonna make both and do a blind taste test with the wife.
Just made some, added freshly ground nutmeg and a bit of vanilla :)
Thanks for reminding me! Maybe I’ll have pancakes for dinner tonight 😅
Please send pics!
I will detail my typical pancake process:
- Add 1.5 C of all purpose flour, 1/2 Tsp salt, 3 Tsp baking powder to large mixing bowl. Whisk together for like 15 seconds.
- Heat 1/4 C of unsalted butter (half a stick) in microwave. Use spoon to make a small pocket in center of dry mix.
- Add butter and one whole egg to the pocket, begin to mix with dry mix with spoon, slowly working together starting from the middle. Don’t turn it all at once or it will cake up badly.
- Once the mixture starts to get a bit dry, start pouring milk in, small amounts as you continue to mix. The mix will expand, get dry, add milk, etc, until the entire mix is wet and combines well. Good pancake batter should pour relatively poorly, as it is just barely too thick to run, but you can add it to a pan with a spoon. If it’s a bit too runny for your liking it’s no big deal, just add a bit of flour.
- Ideally you have a cast iron pan that has been heating for this time, medium heat. On my coil burner I’m usually set to about 4.5. Too low will take forever, but too hot will cook the bottom way too fast and they burn. It takes experimenting to get your setup perfect. I suggest using a bit of butter before you add the batter: dollop it on, push it around the pan, then wipe dry with a paper towel. You don’t want sitting butter in the pan, as it will make the cakes heavy and weird tasting.
- Add batter to your liking. Once the batter begins to bubble up on the surface, flip it over. The second side should cook for a bit less time than the first.
My ideal pancake is a nice golden brown on one side and maybe slightly darker on the other, with a very subtly undercooked center. My partner always eats her body weight in cakes when I make them. I hope this works for you! Please tell me if you have other questions.
Replace half your milk with buttermilk and watch then grow super fluffy in the pan. And a nice flavor as well.
I only buy krusteaz for pancakes. I don’t really think the amount of effort it would take to hand-make a similar batter would be worth it, nor would it taste remarkably better.
Though, for actual food, I have the same sentiment as you. I like to cook and experiment, and I have a fairly easy time adjusting things by taste, but I don’t have the time/energy/money to be doing everything from scratch.
bisquick isn’t pancake mix. you need to add some oil and an egg or two.
but even then, fuck bisquick pancakes.
Pancake mix in particular benefits from the large scales at which the pre-mixed stuff is made. Measuring out those smaller proportions of dry powders precisely and accurately is much more difficult at home even if you opt for using a scale instead of measuring cups. Just read the ingredients list to avoid the brands that may include the extra binders and other ingredients you want to avoid.
It does make a huge difference to have a decent mix and Bisquick isn’t filled with all the crap of a standard mix. But remember Bisquick isn’t really a pancake mix: it’s a baking convenience combining a handful of common ingredients in common proportions. If you don’t want the convenience, do it yourself. It doesn’t really even take more time but you have to have the ingredients on hand.
While I like the flatter style pancakes, if you want fluffier, thicker, make some bacon. Seriously, if you give a little time for the mix to do its thing, Bisquick will fluff right up. Make the mix, cook some bacon, put the pancakes on: bingo, fluffy pancakes
I try to make everything from scratch, but sometimes I make pre made when I know I’m avoiding eating because I don’t feel like cooking. If I make pre made though, I’ll always add something to it to bulk it out. Ramen? Handfuls of frozen veg. Frozen pizza? Slap mushrooms, peppers, onions on top. Pasta sauce? Spinach, homemade stock, and carrots.
To me, its about health. I know processed food isn’t healthy, so I want to mitigate the damage.
My wife is definitely team ‘make it from scratch’.
She is also a very slow cook. We also have an infant that is currently taking up 110% of our time.
It’s hard for me to justify spending two hours a night preparing a lunch for the next day. She likes to sleep in, so I never get to eat it fresh… it’s always leftovers.
I don’t mind cooking something fresh for lunch or dinner, but I’ll do something that takes 20 minutes of prep and then take care of itself on the stove or in the oven. Chilli, pot roast, or a casserole.
I think frozen dinners probably have a better balance of protein/carbs/veg than either of us makes, and at half the price.
I have two suggestions: homemade pre-made, and why not both.
You can pre-make things like pancake mix, taco seasoning, pasta sauce seasoning, etc. write any instructions on the ziplock bag or container.
Instant items from a box or bag can usually be dressed up with fresh foods. If she’s cooking then offer to prep fresh items.
Also, respect that some people simple have no patience for cooking and don’t want to learn any. Communicate with each other to understand how to make it work.
I would like to cook more as it just tastes way better (and is much more healthy), but I’m always exhausted especially after work. I suppose my answer is that right now I’m eating a lot of prepared (refrigerated or frozen) food, but would prefer home-cooked meals.
If you can, just do one pot of something that makes leftovers that hold well and are easy to reheat. After you get one thing, it gives you some breathing room for the next couple days.
I try to make a big pot of something on Sundays, so I don’t have to think about cooking Monday, maybe Tuesday. That gives me a little breathing room. I also make stuff I can portion and freeze - again, gives me a little breathing room.
Last week I was under the weather for 4 days, I just grabbed stuff out of the freezer and threw it in the toaster oven. Zero effort for my sick self. Now I need to restock what I used.
Meal prep is the way.
I don’t know if it’s just where I am in life but I… I just can’t be fucked to do stuff man, I’m too ADHD, depressed, autistic, busy, stressed, whatever I don’t know.
I buy canned tomato sauce from Sam’s Club and meatballs. It’s actually reasonably good sauce, they usually have some decent pasta on offer of some variety. That’s about as much as you can really ask of me at this point in my life.
I also have ADHD and I use it to process a gigantic batch that will last me months. Like making a gallon’s worth of pasta sauce.
Most of the time I wish the nutrients would just enter my system without me ever having to think or do anything about it. So I get as close to that as possible.
On days when I feel like this, the two most important pieces of equipment are a rice maker and an air fryer. Now I can have chicken breasts over rice at the touch of a few buttons.
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take a look at how much sodium too much instant rice has, plus it’s overly processed to make it quick. With the rice maker it might take 15-20 minutes but all I do is pour rice and water in and press the button…. Much better than instant and no sodium. This is what converted me from a potato guy to a rice guy.
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air fryer gets a bad rep because it’s only the chicken tenders and fries labeled with directions, but it does a great job with chicken breasts or thighs - just press the button and wait for it to ding!
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Personally, as with a lot of the comments, I’m in the food-prep and make it yourself crowd.
I found a book that dives into the details of when it is and isn’t worth making things from scratch.
It’s called Make the Bread, Buy the Butter.
Honestly, I haven’t read it yet. I bought it and let my mom borrow it immediately, but when I get it back I think it will an interesting read.
As someone who’s only read the title, I don’t think I’d like this book.
I’ve made bread before, a lot actually. Many kinds with different flours.
But I’ve used yeast for years because I couldn’t have added phosphorus due to kidney failure (which baking powder has in it). I’ve also had other less commonly used raising agents like cream of tartar and yogurt. I also made it by hand because could not afford a bread machine or had the space for it. It’s extremely messy.
That said, if you’re using baking powder and a bread machine, you might as well just get bread from the store. You’re just doing the same as a factory does really. And I’m some cases maybe worse since some factory bread is made with yeast instead anyway.
If you want fresh bread, you can in most cases just go to a bakery section too these days, from what I remember when I lived in the USA. In EU basically every store has a bakery section with bread made daily tho.
This is easy. Whoever’s doing the cooking does it their own way. If you don’t like it, then you do the cooking so it can be done your way.
You are two separate people, so you can do two separate things.
Yay freedom.
Pro tip, make the premade stuff. Make like a gallon of pasta sauce and freeze/can it all. Make like 5 pounds of meatballs and freeze them.
I like to make my pasta sauce when I can, from tomatoes. If you are a fast chopper, it goes by really quickly. Super thin slice it, add some diced enough, maybe some shredded carrot and celery, add some crushed garlic, salt, pepper and some seasonings. In around an hour or so you will have made a bunch of it.
Also look for professional advice for canning, cause idk if my way is the safest. I boil some water in the can in the microwave, dump it then add the pasta sauce, and close it really tight with an oven mitt.
I also grind my own meat, with just a knife. Dice the meat into small cubes and mince it for a while. I do it until it can form a cohesive meatball. Also consider what you’ll use it for, if its just being tossed in a bolognese sauce, it doesn’t need to be so fine.
You can make pizzas ahead of time too, roll the dough, add marinara, mozzarella and wrap it in foil and put it in the freezer.
I make my own stock too. I’ll collect bones and veggie scraps in a freezer bag, and when it’s full, I dump it in a slow cooker, set it and forget it. The store bought stuff is basically just water. If it’s tasteless, it’s baseless.
I’ve also frozen lasagna portions too, fully cooked. If raw its impossible to cook them without completely de-thawing them.
I also have a box of instant cake batter I mixed together myself. It’s like a year old but it’s still not terrible!
This sounds like it has much less to do with food and much more to do with OP’s relationship
Apparently, OP’s wife prefers the taste of the pre-made stuff, because it reminds her of her mother’s cooking. But yeah, kind of a weird info to omit…
