• 0 Posts
  • 35 Comments
Joined 11 months ago
cake
Cake day: March 16th, 2024

help-circle
  • The “conventionally attractive” Marx brother, who usually played the straight man. Still better known than Gummo, if I were to guess.

    We’re personally fans of Harpo, mainly because of the metaphorical whiplash that comes from watching his scenes. One minute you’re laughing at the comical clown or admiring his musical skill, and the next you realize that he’s actually a dangerous maniac. (Run, children!!! He is not safe!!)


  • What’s funny is that I also think I’m on the spectrum.

    And to continue the conversation - my husband and I have been talking about visiting a South American country this summer where roasted guinea pig is on the menu. I honestly think I could give it a try even though I try to save any mice that my cats corner.

    Food choices are both weird and personal. I’ll always respect that.


  • I sort of like snakes, but am hesitant to handle them because 1) they’re wild creatures and therefore unpredictable and 2) I heard that they will poo on you if they’re alarmed. I don’t need that. It’s more practical than visceral.

    Spiders? Hell no. It’s not even an option.

    Most people I know fall on either one side or the other. It’s not a bad ice-breaker or conversation starter.


  • So I’ve got some cats. They’re small, but they can fuck up your day.

    That being said, I rely on them solely as an early warning system. If I’m home alone and hear a strange sound that may be cause for alarm, I look for cats. If they’re sleeping peacefully there’s no external threat. If they can’t be found, someone is nearby. It may just be the mail delivery, but they know when a human is in the vicinity.


  • Spiders of the sea. Crabs too. I wouldn’t want to touch one that wasn’t cooked.

    Although I find the comparison discomforting to think about, the sea spiders both go well with butter and are generally regarded as delicious.

    That introduces the question: if there were a land spider large enough to nullify the risk/reward/deliciousness equation, would I give it a try? My gut answer is no, but I think the realistic answer is, “I’ll wait and see what my fellow apes do with it first. If they have any good recipes, probably yes.”





  • Is it possible for everyone to stop saying this?

    My apologies if you happen to be a SLAMS/BLASTS/BREAKS HIS SILENCE bot and are just following your programming. It’s just beyond tiresome because we know. We fucking know. It’s a lazy and hyperbolic headline filler. But now we have lazy headline writing followed up with a lazy comment pointing out that the former is lazy.

    And it’s starting to break my mind in the same way “This” did on Reddit.

    One more apology for me being bitchy tonight. It’s not so much this comment, but every single identical one that came before it.





  • Ah. COVID.

    When the vaccine came out it was allocated in stages. Healthcare providers and the elderly were prioritized. As they should be. When it was finally available to the general public, the state released a website that helped you find the nearest pharmacy with doses. And it was guaranteed to be free.

    I found one local pharmacy in a nearby village and we got our dose. They didn’t ask for a copay, but did write down our insurance info. Two weeks later, we got a bill from United Health because we unknowingly used an out of network pharmacy for our ‘free’ shots.

    Minor thing, but it’s just an example of our garbage. I’ve never had a good experience with healthcare in the US. OK - scratch that. The time I needed stitches for a bad cut, the receptionist who was billing me whispered that “If you’re any kind of ‘medical professional,’ you can remove them yourself and avoid another visit.” Shit - I own stuff for sewing. That was good, although slightly painful advice.

    Canada was wild, though. I visited a walk-in clinic for an abscess on my leg. No bill. I also visited the ER with chest pain. In both cases I felt like a criminal for leaving without giving them my credit card info.




  • I was getting a ride home from work with a colleague, which was nice of her because I usually took the bus. We had been friendly for some time, and I never understood why other people at work were creeped out by her. Sure, she could be cold and a bit intimidating in a stereotypical “immigrant from former eastern bloc country” sort of way.

    I would compare her to a pretty, young, athletic and blonde Frau Verbissene. And she was not afraid to be comedically cutting. For example, one day I was mindlessly trying (and failing) to unscrew something and she walked up behind me and dryly said, “I am not native to North America, but in Europe we turn it to the left to loosen bolts.” It’s a little bit mean, but also funny.

    But to the main point, it was that car ride when I found out she was a Nazi. OK - Maybe not an actual Nazi, but a big fan. She explained that in her country, <I’m paraphrasing this next bit, so her words> they had asked the Jews to leave, had tried to incentivize the Jews to leave, but the Jews would not leave. When the Germans came to her country, they fixed that problem.

    “Oh. Shit. I’m carpooling with a Nazi.”



  • I unintentionally pissed off a bully during a floor hockey match in high school PE class. Long story, but I did something to make her angry - still no idea what it was - and in that moment she was screaming at me to apologize. I just recall her screaming “SORRY!!! SORRY!!!” at me during a game.

    I didn’t realize I had done anything wrong. I was definitely not trying to be competitive or aggressive at a PE game, so WTF? But apparently, “It’s OK. Apology accepted” was not the answer she wanted. She lost her shit and I gained an enemy for the rest of senior year.

    Fortunately - and this is the good outcome - she was the most incompetent bully I’ve ever encountered. Sure, she was mad AF and willing to hold a grudge in the way that only 17 year-old girls can do. But I had emerged from a hot crucible of actual fucking competent bullies years before this.

    I was captain of the fucking Math Team, bitch. You think calling me “Nerd” is going to hit? Hell no. I own that.

    Years earlier, I fought two of my former besties on a snow covered hill in the local park and my only regret was that I was wearing mittens that mitigated the damage to their faces. I’d do that again if I had to.

    Point being - she couldn’t do me any harm. Laughing at her made her madder. That was the best part.

    tl/dr: I accepted an apology from someone who wanted me to apologize to her, and I gained the most incompetent bully ever. It added some needed comedic relief to me and my friends during a stressful final year of high school.


  • Sure. Late '80s. It was pitch back, triangular, small, slow, and quiet. My mother was driving and we were on our way to an astronomy meeting. Which is to humble-brag that we had both spent a fair amount of time staring at the night sky and could identify most aircraft/stars/planets/meteors etc. It moved in a truly bizarre fashion.

    I think I noticed it first because it was a super slow set of lights. Our car was going about 45 mph and we seemed to be outpacing it easily on a parallel path. I could see trees on the edge of a farmer’s field and it was lower than the tops of the trees. That was the point of reference. It was absolutely out of the ordinary. Although we were outpacing it, my mom made a wrong turn at the next intersection. It was actually fortuitous because this put is directly in the flight path and I was super curious to ID it.

    When my mom saw it I just remember her saying over and over - “ArtieShaw? ArtieShaw, what is that? What is that???”

    When I realized that she was equally weirded out, one of us clicked off the car radio and one of us lowered the windows. That’s when we realized that it wasn’t just quiet, but completely silent and flying maybe 25 feet above the ground. There were lights on it, but they didn’t illuminate the aircraft at all.

    After passing under it, she needed to re-route the car. And the next bit is probably the part the freaked me out the most. It followed us.

    I was able to keep eyes on it for the entire time because I wasn’t driving. In fact, I was partially out the window of the passenger seat. When we got back to the main road, she pulled over in the dirt lot of a farmer’s market stand on the corner.

    It flew over us again and we agreed that we couldn’t see more detail beyond “small, unbelievably black triangle.” She got her shit together well enough to drive, and we went on to the astronomy meet.

    The amateur astronomer friends were very skeptical about what we saw. And we were clearly rattled, so they were kind about trying to provide rational explanations. I remember drawing a diagram of the shape in the dirt with my generic Keds sneakers. But as the night wore on, many of them shared similar stories. The one I remember best is from a person who was camping in the inter-mountain desert who saw the exact same object, but that it was so large that it blotted out a good portion of the sky. They also claimed to have chased it for about an hour.